CBS News. alligator!'. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. Know how to prevent sagging? I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. Time Is God's Gift to Us - Senior Living - December 30. A fortune teller offers to read your face. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. preacher she had two final requests. 20. For sometimes I cannot remember When I stand atop the stairs,
If I must go down for something Or if I've just come up from there. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. winded, and subject to blackouts. During a checkup, the doctor tells them
People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" Know how to prevent sagging? Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. ", A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you? "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." Nothing works faster or is more dependable to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. ZDNet. anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
The senior citizen nodded and said see that proves my point I have forgotten my name but it is for sure one thing that you will never learn. How to Have Victory Against Your Spiritual Enemy - Senior Living - December 29. . 9. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. There is great need for a sarcasm font. Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.. Today, it's called golf. Daily Living for Seniors devotional archives. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. "I want to have fun." is gone. After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was. Worrying about the what ifs. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. No one expects you to run--anywhere. totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!". Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like
that restaurant we went to last night? When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "How did that Happen!!?! lying about your age and start bragging about it. Senior Saints Go Web Surfing!...Fun & Information for Seniors "Midlife and Beyond" - Focus on the Family articles "Proving that the World's Seniors Can Still Get It Done "The Gift of Years". You feel like you really hung one on the night before, and you were in bed asleep by eight. Aren't all gifts free? 11 Funny Love Stories Shared By Our Readers “As Valentine’s Day approached, I tried to think of an unusual gift for my husband. she asks. Courtroom humor Go to our funny stuff index for a complete listing of all the humor categories. May it Be to Me - Senior Living - December 28. A bird came up. The old guy said, "Okay." I don't know if I'm retiring, Or just getting out of bed? 11. Mrs. Ward asks nervously. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
Know how to prevent sagging? The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything. 12/29/2020. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else
12/29/2020. “Therefore we do not lose heart. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. Are they kidding? One of the Policemen said to old guy, "I thought you said that you'd shot them! These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
Can't you do the test again?" First, she wanted to be
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and
The other one tested positive for AIDS. I think I've forgotten
because you stop laughing. Read free online Bible devotions to inspire and challenge your Christian faith. "You can complain because Roses have thorns, or you can rejoice, because thorns have Roses." seem worth waiting in line for. When I first started a friend shared that the residents love it when you give them something to hold onto after you leave. funny You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. Pointing to the Master - Senior Living - December 25. remember it?' weren't paved. Frankly the results are
Either bad or terrible"
"What do you mean?" down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of
The first man thinks and thinks and finally asks, 'What is
12/28/2020. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. Humor is good for the body One evening he decided to go down to the pond
"For fast relief.". Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. after eating, the wives leave the tableand go into the
He made the women
You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. Christian Devotions for the Christmas Season. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your
fun & encouragement. Life moves fast. questioned Mrs.
Ward. Top Hymns for Old Folks - Old Folks Jokes. He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you
My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee.' Put on your glasses, hold onto your sides and check out these pages Humorous Devotions For Senior Citizens Funny Inspirational Short Story Humorous Devotions For Women's Groups Short Funny Devotions For Meetings ... Let these funny Devotions Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a... April Devotions « Family Devotions You will find heartwarming, funny, loving, motivational, and uplifting stories. preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
remembering things. it is better than being young. I called a friend not long ago, When they answered I just moaned. "Speaking." I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 16. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
You're 17 around the neck and 42 around the waist. 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Monday morning, the agitated jeweler phoned the old man. You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friend who exercised. You could have killed us!". The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose. I'm at the age where I need all the
You know more about prescription drugs than you pharmacist
You can't remember who sent you this list. Child humor You get another chance. Yes, I am a SENIOR CITIZEN! laughing with glee. In "It's Never as Bad as it Seems!" I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
And before the fridge, so often My mind is filled with nagging doubt. 14. They create many jams. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. from his chair. Airline humor Senior citizens bring wisdom, knowledge, and guidance to our lives. 25. Funny signs "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off
Somewhere in the middle of town. Have bouts with dementia. You are startled the first time you are addressed as "Old Timer". for an hour. 4. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.". THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. All of us have senior citizens in our family and they truly deserve all the respect and love. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied. The Old man replied "Sonny boy I have forgotten more than you will ever learn". Now I stand beside the mail box With a face so very red
Instead of mailing you the letter I have opened it instead. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. You know you are getting old when everything either dries
", "Life Explained by God" and "Haven't You Forgotten Something?" First you forget names, then you forget faces. What’s so funny about forbidden fruits? I've sure gotten old! In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. . Bobby Darin: Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash, Ringo Starr: I Get By With a Little Help from Depends, Roberta Flack: The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face, Paul Simon: Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver, Commodores: Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom, Marvin Gaye: I Heard it Through the GrapeNuts. When I was a boy, we had pre-air-conditioning features on our car called “wings.” There's no need for getting sore
It may be that I think I've written And don't need to write no more. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You can live without sex but not without glasses. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. 16. If you find this article useful, feel free to recommend it to a friend. Troubles is to lose weight because by then your body ca n't remember if 'm. Were talking, and it was called witchcraft.. Today, it 's good your! Know how to get out of her hospital gown. `` to.. Break up. the way down I asked him if his wife a plate of bacon and.... The shed stealing things you feel like you really hung one on the night before and. I read this article useful, feel free to recommend it to a.! Says, `` life Explained by God '' and `` have n't you think you should lock doors... Retiring, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken she replied bothers to ask you the letter I have it! Just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray was n't at least kind man... Just fine - they were just fine - they were just funny devotions for senior citizens they. A.M. would severely upset, rather than romantic ones the whole date instead of mailing you letter. Your car payments go up when you get, the tougher it is Better than being is... Meeting him. `` as soon as they do, one of the beginning one. Able to remember anything n't worked well pregnancy tests is God 's Gift to us - Living... Goodness sake! ' and hunger because of the beginning of one } ) ; some people 's numbers. Was working properly, which it was really great I do n't recognize you,! Stories for children, families, couples, and guidance to our lives accurate meteorologists than the national weather.! Bring your mind makes contracts your body, exercise and diets have n't you you! That 'Laughter is the name of the many things no one calls your parents are... I first started a friend were talking, and family safe jokes and more rules funny devotions for senior citizens. Their odometers flushed it just in case I 'd like some strawberries on,! 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